A Konohan Christmas
by WhyMustIWrite
Summary: Christmas always brings a boom of mission requests to Konoha. Overworked paperwork ninja scramble to accommodate the added burden, and elite jounin are forced to take up unusual roles.
1. Twas the Week Before Christmas

'Twas the Week Before Christmas-  
An Introduction

'Twas the week before Christmas, and in the Mission Room  
Ninja scurried and hurried for the pre-holiday boom.

The mission requests were all handled with care,  
While they inwardly fumed and pulled at their hair

For none of the Desk Workers could head off to bed  
'Til all the petitions and scrolls had been read

Well…except for Kotetsu, that silly old chap,  
He'd snuck into the break room and taken a nap

That is, 'til Iruka discovered the matter  
And you _know_ that the incident stirred up a clatter

Still the missions poured in, as quick as a flash  
(At least that meant Konoha'd have plenty of cash)

A grand jamboree that required ninja presence  
A C-level mission to deliver some presents

A D-ranked request for a home decorator  
Another who wished for a Santa impersonator

Now the story's set up, Why' declares with a glint  
And as for the plot…I'll give you a hint

A firm word of warning- not at all wishy-washy  
When choosing a Santa, please don't pick Kakashi!

* * *

Now you know why I _don't_ write poetry. :)  
The real story begins next chapter... in normal prose format.

Just a bit of holiday silliness. My cheery tendencies and odd sense of humor are interfering with the somber, tragic story I'm developing for the Paperwork universe. So I'm channeling them into this little fic. Hope you enjoy.

~Why'


	2. Customer Service

This chapter is dedicated to anyone who's ever dealt with an irate client/customer.

* * *

Chapter 1

Customer Service

"What do you _mean_ you can't accept my mission request!?!"

Iruka glanced up sharply at the sound of the shrill female voice. He immediately spotted the red haired woman, a potential client. And rapidly losing said potential. Hair slipping out of her elegant bun, arms crossed and gaze furious, she screamed at the temporary Mission Desk Worker.

In the midst of the holiday rush, Konoha hired extra staff for this department. Unfortunately, these newbies didn't always know how to handle belligerent customers.

The sensei grabbed the stack of documents he'd been categorizing and calmly approached the duo. Handing the pile to the harassed looking temp, he smiled warmly and assured the teen he'd handle the situation from here.

The youth scurried off in relief while Iruka nodded politely at the fuming woman. "May I ask what the issue is here?"

Her manicured fingers flailed a document mere inches in front his face. "That lazy, good-for-nothing ninja refused to accept my mission request, _that's_ the problem," she spitefully snapped.

_Deep calming breath._ Iruka reminded himself.

"I can understand why that would be frustrating, ma'am. Let's have a look at your form and find the issue, shall we?" The sensei calmly took the request in question and scanned it over. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. "You want someone to assassinate your ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes! Isn't that what ninja are _supposed _to do?" She remarked flippantly, "Kill people?"

"Ah," Iruka winced, but nodded politely all the same, "We do indeed engage in assassination missions. Yukazi bosses, drug lords, slave ring leaders, terrorist threats, militant anarchists…these are examples of acceptable assassination targets, as per Konoha's Mission Department Policy."

The paperwork ninja proceeded to open the drawer in a nearby desk and withdrew a thick manual from its depths. After flipping open to a particular page, he held the book out for her to read. "However, assassination as means of settling a personal vendetta is no longer a service offered by the Konoha Mission Desk, thanks to reforms made under the Third Hokage. Unless you can verify that your ex-boyfriend is a threat to public safety, I'm afraid we cannot accept your mission request."

The woman's pixie face twisted in a mix of anger and pain. "Of course he's a threat! He…" Tears welled up in her eyes, "He…cheated on me!"

Iruka suddenly found himself with an armful of sobbing client. "There, there," he muttered awkwardly, patting her back. "Granted, that's a shameful thing for him to do… but I'm afraid it doesn't warrant an assassination."

With an angry huff, the woman straightened, ready to storm out of the office.

"_However…"_ Iruka continued.

That caught her attention.

The sensei bit his lip thoughtfully. "For a nominal fee, we _could_ arrange for a bedbug infestation in his home. That would take weeks, even months, to get rid of. And it would effectively ruin any…ah…_activities_ he may want to engage in with other people."

Her eyes lit up.

Within moments, the issue was resolved with a happy client and a new D-ranked mission in hand.

"You _sure_ we're allowed to do that?" Izumo frowned as he accepted the form for processing. "Sounds more like a prank than a mission."

"Well, the Policy doesn't say we can't unleash a parasitic infestation as a means of settling a personal vendetta," Iruka pointed out. "And if I didn't offer her _something_, she might have decided to take her business elsewhere."

"Hm. Good point," Izumo conceded. "We don't want foreign ninja coming in to assassinate random Konoha citizens."

"Besides," the sensei chuckled, "Who do you think this ex-boyfriend will eventually hire to get _rid_ of the infestation, eh? You know we get a lot of requests for the Aburame for that very task."

His coworker laughed outright. "Very devious, Iruka. Very devious."

The mission room remained crowded, with a steady stream of clients milling in and out. Iruka's remaining clients had more normal holiday requests, like decorating the outside of homes and businesses with strings of lights, or making fast delivery runs to far off villages so that family and friends receive their gifts before Christmas.

He accepted the next form and read it over. "You need someone to impersonate Santa at your child's Christmas party?" Iruka confirmed.

"Yes," the wealthy noblewoman nodded. "And I want at least two elves to accompany him."

"All right," the chunin nodded. "That's one D-ranked Santa-and-elves impersonation mission, so the total would be…"

The noblewoman balked, "_I _do not want a D-ranked Santa!" She thinned her carefully painted lips. "You think I can't afford the best for my son? Give me an A-ranked Santa!"

Iruka restrained the frustrated groan from escaping his lips. "I apologize for being unclear, milady. There are no D and A-ranked _Santas. _Just D or A-ranked _missions._ Santa impersonation will always be categorized as "D-rank" because it's not a dangerous assignment and doesn't require a ninja's full skill."

That only seemed to offend her more. "No! I want a fully-skilled Santa impersonator. The best of the best! He has to be so convincing, that all the children at the party will believe we have the _real_ Santa Claus."

"I see." Iruka thought it over. "Well, I suppose if it will require such convincing acting…probably a continual use of the transformation technique as well…then I can legitimately elevate this to a C-ranked mission."

She raised her slender brows at him, as though he'd just made the stupidest statement possible. "Are you deaf? I said I wanted A-ranked! _A-ranked!"_

Reaching for his manual, he explained, "Milady, Konoha's Mission Department Policy forbids me from artificially inflating the class of mission…"

"I want to speak to your supervisor," the noblewoman interrupted.

"But I am the supervisor." Iruka intoned.

"Then I want to speak to whoever is in charge of you! Where's your boss?"

Kotetsu jumped in, "Right here, milady! Hagane Kotetsu, Mission Department Chairman, at your service." The bandaged nin bowed exaggeratedly. "Rest assured, milady, that I will _personally_ handle your A-class Santa mission."

They talked for a few more moments while Iruka shot dark glares at his coworker from behind the woman's back.

"What do you think you're _doing?!"_ Iruka burst out, the moment their client left. "You're _not _the Department Chairman…there's no such thing! And you know very well that we can't assign that mission as an A-class."

"It's simple," Kotetsu shrugged. "Assign it as a C-ranked mission, but charge her for an A." He smirked. "And then give the Desk Workers a Christmas bonus with the excess. Everyone wins."

"That's…that's extortion!" Iruka stammered. "You're going to get us fired!"

"Hey, _she_'_s_ the one who insisted on an A-level fee. I'm just accommodating her request. As long as she gets a top-notch Santa, everything will work out fine."

"But the policy…"

"Come on, you _know_ we deserve a Christmas bonus for all the extra hours we're putting in. I mean, the Hokage won't even pay us overtime."

"We'll discuss this later, Kotetsu," Iruka sighed. The lines had become more congested during their brief discussion.

Finally, it came time for the Mission Room to close. But for the senior staff of the Mission Department, their work was only beginning. While the temps headed for home, the experienced workers stayed behind. They split off into groups of three, collaborating to match each request with the appropriate ninja team.

Iruka brought the next stack of mission request scrolls to the table. Izumo sighed. "Another one? I don't suppose there's a chance for us to finish early?"

"Not with the volume of requests that still need assigned." Iruka rubbed his temple and opened the next scroll. "Ah, this is our 'A-ranked' Santa mission." The sensei shot a glare at Kotetsu. "You realize that it's an ethics violation to line our pockets by overcharging clients, don't you?"

"Hey- Kotetsu wasn't overcharging her for personal gain!" Izumo defended. "That woman was going to have an aneurism if we _didn't_ classify it her way."

"Then would _you _like to explain that to our new Hokage when the books get audited?" Iruka exclaimed. This was their first year working under Tsunade's leadership, and it was clear that she had little patience for paperwork issues. Iruka was _not _going to draw her ire with questionable finance records.

Kotetsu scratched his head in thought. "Well…how about we treat the excess money as a voluntary donation?"

"That'll work," Izumo agreed.

"That _would_ work," Iruka consented, "But not if we use the donation as a pay bonus. We need to think of another use for the funds."

"Well then, let's brainstorm ideas and vote for the best one," Izumo suggested.

"What about using it for a staff Christmas party?" Kotetsu offered.

His friend rubbed his chin, "Or we can update the Mission Room…get newer furniture, a better quality coffee maker…"

The sensei's eyes lit up, "We could buy toys for the children at the orphanage!"

Izumo and Kotetsu groaned.

"What?"

"Nothing, nothing," Izumo sighed waving his hand in resignation. "You win. We can't vote against _that_. Not without bringing on ourselves a curse from the spirits of Christmas."

"You need to be a little more selfish sometimes, Iruka," Kotetsu muttered.

"Now that _that's_ settled, we need only assign the ninja," the sensei continued with an altogether-too-smug grin. "Who would make a good Santa Claus? We need someone who works well with children, is very good at the transformation jutsu, and is skilled in impersonation."

His coworkers stared pointedly at him.

"…What?" His grin began to fade at their meaningful stares.

"That'd be you, 'Ru," Kotetsu drawled. "By all counts."

Iruka blushed and shook his head fiercely. "N-no! There's…uhhh…too much work to do in the Mission Room! I can't afford to take missions on the side."

"It would just be a few hours," Izumo pressed.

"I'm sure we can arrange with the Hokage for you to have time off," Kotetsu grinned, clearly enjoying his coworker's embarrassment. This was revenge for losing out on their Christmas party.

"You wouldn't dare," Iruka narrowed his eyes dangerously. "Did you forget Lady Ishi also asked for elves? If you force me into that situation, I _swear_ I'll make you two my elves."

Izumo's mouth hung open, horrified. "You wouldn't."

"Try me."

"Dang," the chunin backed off, not wanting to risk it. "Well then, let's think of someone else."

Kotetsu twirled his pen idly through his fingers. "Well, a jounin sensei with his genin team would make the most sense. Any jounin piss you off lately? This is a perfect revenge assignment."

His friend thinned his lips. "How about Takio? He gave me the most patronizing attitude today when he handed in his report."

"No can do," Iruka contradicted. "Takio has Santaphobia."

His coworkers stared at him blankly. "Santaphobia?"

The sensei nodded. "As a child he was abducted by a man in a Santa costume. So try to be patient with him, Izumo. Christmas is a very stressful time for Santaphobes."

The Desk Workers continued to haggle, but finding a team that was both available _and_ suitable was proving to be much more difficult than they imagined.

"What about Hatake?" Iruka asked between sips of coffee.

"Are you kidding me?" Kotetsu scoffed. "Hatake Kakashi? As _Santa Claus_?"

"Why not?" Iruka shrugged.

"Why not!? He openly reads Icha Icha, for one thing," Izumo reminded him. "That will _not _go over well at a kid's party. And I doubt Hatake can relate to children. He never had a chance to be a kid, himself. And...Kami, Iruka there's so many reasons 'why not,' that it's not even funny!"

"That's it, no more coffee for you!" Kotetsu declared, attempting to snatch the mug from his hand.

Iruka swung his arm out of reach from his coworker, protecting the only thing that kept him semi-functional during the Christmas season. "Hey, give the guy a little more credit! I've heard from Naruto that Kakashi doesn't read _that book_ when in the midst of a mission. So if we can get him to take the assignment seriously, it won't be an issue." The sensei tiredly rubbed his scar. "And as for working with children... he seems to do just fine with Naruto and Sakura. It might even be _good_ for him- being exposed to some of the more childish things in life for a while."

His coworkers still didn't look convinced so Iruka pressed on, "Besides, his genin will be there. Sakura's clear-headed and personable enough to help him make this work. And Naruto…he's bursting with enthusiasm and energy. He'll bring some much needed Christmas spirit to the team."

Izumo nodded slowly, finally warming up to the notion after factoring in the genin. "You know, after Sasuke's defection, Team 7 really does need a nice, lighthearted assignment. Perhaps going to this party will boost their morale and help their team spirit. Goodness knows they've had more than enough traumatic missions for the year."

They both looked to Kotetsu, who rolled his eyes. "I still don't think it's a good idea. But, whatever. Do what you want."

"It's decided then," Izumo declared. "Team 7 will be assigned to impersonate Santa and his elves at Lady Ishi's Christmas party."

With that pronouncement, they moved on to the next mission request scroll.

Kotetsu grumpily lowered his head into his folded arms and muttered, "I have a bad feeling about this."


	3. Of Sleighing Songs and Stalkers

Chapter 2

Of Sleighing Songs and Stalkers

As Kakashi accepted the C ranked mission scroll from Iruka, he noticed Kotetsu snickering in the background and Izumo silently offering a prayer.

This did not bode well.

Carefully, the jounin unlocked the seal and unfurled the document. His eye gave away nothing as he scanned the objective.

Iruka waited expectantly for the jounin's response. He'd rehearsed in his mind several tactics by which he could convince the man to accept this assignment. He was prepared for just about any argument the Copy Ninja could throw at him. In a war of words, Iruka never lost.

Finally Kakashi looked up at the desk ninja. "So…I'm to impersonate Santa Claus for a noblewoman's Christmas party?"

"And Naruto and Sakura are to be your helpers." Iruka added.

Kakashi made no move to object. Instead, he pulled the scroll open further, and skimmed the remainder of the content.

"Hm…" the jounin frowned. "But…you left out a lot of crucial information."

"Pardon?" Iruka furrowed his brow. He'd written down the date of the party, the time, the location. "What else did you need to know?"

"This 'Santa Claus_,' _what does he look like?" Kakashi began impatiently. "Who is he? Where is he from? What does he do for a living? Who are his associates?" He raised an eyebrow upon seeing the chunin's shocked expression. Shouldn't a Mission Desk worker _know_ what kind of intelligence is needed for impersonation assignments?

Iruka exchanged disbelieving looks with Izumo before finally glancing back at Kakashi. "Are you seriously telling me you've never_ heard_ of Santa?" The chunin floundered at that notion. "You…don't even know who he _is?_"

"…Should I?"

Kakashi was starting to feel self-conscious under his colleague's incredulous stare. Was Santa a key political figure? It seemed likely. Why else would he be invited to a noblewoman's party? The jounin wasn't comfortable with the thought that he may actually be behind on the latest intelligence.

"Santa Claus is _only_ the most famous figure in Christmas folklore!" the desk worker declared, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

_Oh_. The jounin's eye drooped in boredom. "You mean he's imaginary," he intoned, immediately losing all interest in the subject.

"Yes, he's imaginary," Iruka snapped, before widening his eyes and slapping a hand over his mouth. Glancing around, he made sure no young civilian children were present. Confirming that the coast was clear, he continued in a much more subdued tone. "Kakashi, I realize ninja are rarely taught to believe in Santa…but you must have at least heard the _song_. Everyone has!"

"Song…?"

Instead of replying immediately, Iruka began tapping a rhythm with his hands on the desktop. "_Oh, you'd better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout- I'm telling you why…_"

"_**Santa Claus is comiiing to town!"**_every other ninja in the mission room chimed in, completing the chorus, albeit dreadfully off-key.

Kakashi stared.

Iruka blushed.

Izumo continued humming to himself as he stamped Raidou's report. "Oh, great. Now you've got the tune stuck in my head," he complained.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "No- I can't say that I've ever heard that song before."

Iruka frowned, quite unable to believe what he was hearing. "What about The Night Before Christmas?"

"What about it?" Kakashi blinked at the apparent change in subject. "I don't have plans, if that's what you mean."

"Never mind!" Iruka groaned, rubbing at the headache growing in his left temple. He wished they'd known this during last night's planning session. "Unfortunately, the mission schedule is so tied up we can't get another suitable replacement team. You're just going to have to study up. Ask Naruto and Sakura for information. Then come back to the Mission Room this afternoon. I'll have a Santa Claus dossier ready for you."

* * *

Iruka hated to waste his lunch break compiling the various Santa songs and stories and filling out a detailed profile on the fictional character. For nourishment, he'd scrounged up a half-smashed ration bar from the recesses of his desk that he'd vaguely recalled tossing back there two or three Christmases ago. Ration bars didn't expire, right?

Iruka's stomach growled in protest of his paltry fare but the sensei resolutely ignored it, focusing instead on the many orphans who'd be getting presents with the money this mission brought in.

Late in the afternoon, the jounin returned and Iruka pulled out the completed dossier. "So, did you ask Naruto and Sakura about Santa Claus?" He inquired before releasing the folder from his grip.

"I did," Kakashi stated gravely.

Iruka furrowed his brow at the other's tone. "And what's wrong?"

"Nothing. I'm just…disappointed." The jounin sighed, shrugging dismissively at his own feelings. "These people…they're _lying_ to their children. What happens when those kids get older and discover it was all a fraud? They'll never be able to trust their parents again."

"But, Kakashi, it's not like that," Iruka protested, "You see…"

"You don't have to sugarcoat the truth for me, sensei. I'll do my duty. I've been involved in worse over the years." Kakashi's voice was resolved, but his eye refused to meet the chunin's. "Still, I'm surprised that _you'd_ be involved in such unsavory business, Iruka. You're normally so protective of the children."

"Um…Kakashi…just what did Naruto and Sakura _say_ about Santa Claus?" Iruka nervously queried.

The Copy Nin's frown deepened. "He spies on children…watches them sleep… obsessively categorizes their actions. It's disturbing, stalker behavior and an affront to privacy. He sounds like the kind of guy who belongs in jail. _Then_ he's so bold as to break into people's homes at night…"

"He's delivering presents!" Iruka balked. How could Kakashi twist things around to make Santa sound so…so…_evil_?

"It's still trespassing," the jounin affirmed. "And, who knows? He's delivering presents _now... _But what happens when he snaps?"

"He's not going to snap." The chunin rolled his eyes. "He's a fictional character for goodness sake! Santa Claus is a kind-hearted, generous person with a charitable heart who spreads joy through the world. That's the story and you're sticking to it!"

He slid over the dossier. "Here's all the information I compiled on the subject. Read it through and come back to me if you have any questions."

Kakashi accepted the file, recognizing the dismissal for what it was. The Copy Nin settled down onto one of the Mission Room couches and flipped open to the first page. The picture immediately caught his eye. An elderly, overweight man in an outrageous red and white outfit. _This_ was what Santa Claus looked like?

Kakashi stared at the picture in horror. He had expected a lithe figure, dressed in dark colors to help him infiltrate people's homes undetected. This…this out-of-shape, garishly dressed old man was supposed to be capable of traveling the world in a single night while stealthily leaving presents in every home?

And the children _bought_ this story?

His heart sank further as he regarded the man's all-too-cheerful grin. Santa was beginning to remind him of Gai.

The jounin swallowed the lump in his throat and began reading Iruka's tidy script:

_Name: Santa Claus_

_Aliases: Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, St. Nick, Kris Kringle_

_Affiliation: North Pole, Santa's Workshop_

North Pole? Kakashi scoffed. There isn't even solid land mass at the North Pole… just a constantly shifting sea of ice. Have any of these children ever looked at globe? If so, they should realize that constructing any sort of permanent headquarters there was entirely untenable. Gritting his teeth and ignoring that illogical concept, he continued.

_Associates: Mrs. Claus (wife), an indeterminate number of elves who make toys in his workshop, flying reindeer (see page 4, "Santa's Reindeer")_

Kakashi read on and found it more absurd than even his genin had made it seem. He would have never believed this story, even as a child.

Were kids these days really _this _stupid?

Well, a mission was a mission- even if it was a pointless one. And his genin actually seemed excited at the prospect of dressing as…elves…for a Christmas party.

Kakashi ran a hand through his hair, remembering their reaction when he told them of the assignment. Sakura groaned and exclaimed that she was too mature for such a silly mission. However, her excitedly dancing eyes belied her protests. Ever since Sasuke's defection, it was rare to see Sakura so light-hearted. Naruto, on the other hand, made no attempt to cover his glee as he blurted out that he'd never been to a Christmas party before.

Despite his utter disinterest, the jounin determined that he'd take this assignment as seriously as possible. If Kakashi had to impersonate an absurdly ridiculous fictional stalker for his remaining genin to be happy…well, it was the least he could do, after failing to keep Sasuke in the village. Guilt was a powerful motivator. So the jounin dutifully memorized the lengthy dossier, including the songs and poems about this "great" man's exploits.

As he poured over the file, red flags kept appearing in Kakashi's mind… If Santa knows when children are sleeping, then why did he so blatantly reveal himself in The Night Before Christmas? What was he trying to accomplish there? And why would he give "little Will" a "whip that cracks" in the Up On the Housetop song? Since when is a whip considered a toy? It seemed just a bit insidious.

The jounin shook his head trying to quell his suspicious nature. He always assumed the worst. Then again, that's what kept him alive all these years….

"Santa Claus is a kind-hearted, generous person with a charitable heart who spreads joy through the world," he repeated the chunin's words verbatim, trying to convince himself.

It sounded like brainwashing to him.

Rubbing away the goosebumps that suddenly appeared on his arms, Kakashi reminded himself that Santa Claus was- thank Kami- _not real_.

* * *

I confess…my own thoughts on Santa Claus lean a bit closer to Kakashi's assessment. I'm not a big fan of jolly old St Nick.  
I know, I know- "bah-humbug," right? ;)

Doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good Santa story, though.  
In case you're interested, I very highly recommend "The Life and Times of Iruka Sensei- Santa Lives" by beyondthecrystalsea. I've re-read that fic at least a half dozen times already!


	4. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Chapter 3

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Even with the Santa Claus dossier, Kakashi wasn't thrilled with the amount of unknown information remaining about his subject. Where was Santa from? How old is he? What caused him to lead such a strange life?

More to the point, what would the jounin say if one of the children asked him such questions?

He tried posing that question to a beleaguered Iruka, who had just finished resolving an angry client's issue.

"You're a genius. Figure it out," the chunin snapped moodily, brushing passed him to make a beeline for coffee machine.

That wasn't much of an answer. Kakashi supposed he should have given Iruka a minute or two to relax before confronting him on the matter. However, watching the man throw his head back and guzzle a mug of the dark brew, he reconsidered. Iruka probably _couldn't _relax with all that caffeine in his system. The Desk Workers consumed so much coffee during the holiday season, Kakashi wouldn't be surprised if they ultimately gave in and started using coffee-drip IVs.

No, he wouldn't bother the haggard man with the issue. He _was _a genius, after all. Kakashi would just have to devise his own story for the children…

* * *

"You…want to borrow eight of my deer?" Shikaku repeated in surprise.

Kakashi nodded. Was that so hard to understand? "Yes, I need eight tamed deer. Ones that would not object to being harnessed."

"And may I ask what you need them for?"

The jounin took his time before answering, not willing to admit his ridiculous assignment. "For a mission. I can't reveal anything beyond that, but I assure you that I will care for them like my own."

The dark haired jounin narrowed his eyes, considering. "Well…I suppose I could trust them to your care. Follow me."

He led the Copy Ninja to a meadow where a dozen deer were grazing. Waving his arm toward them he indicated, "You could choose eight among these."

Kakashi carefully approached the closest deer. It didn't seem to be scared of him. Patting the creature's strong neck, he asked. "What is this one's name?"

"Bishamon," Shikaku replied with a knowing smirk. "But for the mission, I'll let you call him 'Blitzen.'"

* * *

Iruka said his goodbyes to the orphans. Patting the messenger bag at his side, he winked. "All right, kids, I've got to go now, but I'll make sure these letters get delivered to Santa Claus, all right?"

The orphans smiled and cheered. Forced to grow up faster than most, they didn't truly _believe_ in Santa- they hadn't parents to foster such frivolities- but that didn't stop them from enjoying the game. They liked to pretend that Santa was real and write him letters. None actually expected to receive anything from their list. They never did.

This year was going to be different, Iruka inwardly affirmed.

Once he stepped out of the orphanage grounds, the sensei hurried to meet with Team 7. Lady Ishi's Christmas party was today, and the chunin was anxious to inspect the team to make sure they were up to standard before they left. After all, the orphans' Christmas surprise hinged on the success of this mission.

As he walked, Iruka figured he may as well flip through the letters and mentally map out the stores he'd need to visit later. Kotetsu and Izumo may have voted for the toys-for-orphans measure, but they made it clear that the shopping was entirely up to him.

He pulled out the wrinkled sheet of parchment and read.

_Dear Santa,_

_I tried reely hard to be a good girl this year. Please, could you give me a family for Crismas? One that will be reely nice to me and love me all the time? Thats my most speshalest wish._

Iruka took a breath and blinked back the tears in his eyes. Nari really was such a sweet little girl. Stuffing the papers back in his bag, he decided he'd read through them later.

The sensei traversed the village streets gloomily ruminating on Christmas wishes he couldn't grant, when an unusual noise caught his attention. It sounded like…like his students _singing_.

Today had been the last day of school before the Christmas break. They must have decided to go caroling to celebrate.

Noting the position of the sun in the sky, Iruka determined that he had time to stop and enjoy a song or two. There was nothing like music to cheer the heart. As he walked closer to the source of the singing, the lyrics came wafting in, exultantly sung in perfect harmony:

_Joy to the world!__  
The teacher's dead!  
We bar-be-qued his head!_

_What happened to the body?  
We flushed it down the potty!  
_

_And round and round it goooess…  
And round and round it goooess…_

"OH _REALLY_?" Iruka bellowed, jumping seemingly from nowhere to land right in front of the kids.

With terrified screams, the children scattered and ran for their lives.

"Heh…cheeky brats." The sensei re-adjusted his scarf and continued on to his meeting with Team 7, humming softly to himself. "_And round and round it goes…" _

* * *

Iruka had to admit…Kakashi had done amazingly well.

The jounin's henge was absolutely seamless. Naruto and Sakura, rather than attempt to maintain a transformation uninterrupted for hours, instead wore green elf costumes with authentic-looking plastic ear extensions and pointed noses. Sakura had sparkly eye shadow and her cheeks tinged a rosy pink. Naruto declined the make-up, but his bright blue eyes, mischievous smile, and marked cheeks helped him look the part regardless.

Iruka was even more astonished to see the large sleigh parked behind Team 7, with eight of the Nara's deer harnessed to the vehicle. Where had they found sleighbell-lined deer harnesses anyway?

The chunin had been nervous about this assignment ever since realizing that the jounin had no exposure to the Santa folklore. Obviously his anxiety had been unfounded.

"Well…?" Kakashi prompted, starting to feel unnerved with the way Iruka was staring. Did he really mess up _that_ badly?

Iruka's face lit up with a broad grin. "Definitely an A-ranked Santa."

Kakashi raised a questioning brow.

"Ah…I mean," Iruka cleared his throat. "Everything looks perfect! You did great with the disguises. Now let's hear your 'Santa laugh.'"

The jounin frowned. "I'm not going to laugh at the party."

"You have to!" Iruka pressed. "Santa Claus always laughs. The children will know you're a fake if you don't. So let's hear it."

"See, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto smirked. "I _told _you so!"

"Ho-ho-ho," the jounin glumly offered, rolling his eyes at the absurdity.

"No, sensei. You need to sound _happy_!" Sakura admonished.

"Like this," Naruto drew in a large breath before cheerfully belting out, "HO-HO-HO!"

"You don't want to _fail_ a C ranked mission, just because you couldn't laugh right," Iruka added, knowing full well that Kakashi would be mortified at the thought.

The group stood there, working on Kakashi's "Santa laugh" until it met with Iruka's approval. Finally, the chunin instructed Naruto to behave himself and gave Sakura words of encouragement, as the task largely fell to her to make sure her teammate and sensei acted appropriately.

Iruka noted the position of the sun with alarm. "Oh no! You're late!" He had completely lost track of time in the midst of all his instruction. He immediately shooed Team 7 away.

Kakashi settled himself in the driver's position of the sleigh. Naruto and Sakura jumped in behind him. With a few hand seals, the jounin expertly performed a levitation jutsu.

Eight reindeer and a sleighfull of ninja rose up into the sky. Iruka watched their departure, his mouth hanging open. Once he got over his shock, the sensei clicked his jaw shut and grinned.

He waved goodbye to Naruto, who was wildy flailing his arms at him, before finally heading off to his Mission Room shift, whistling "Joy to the World."

* * *

Lady Ishi looked anxiously at the clock. "Where is that Santa I hired? He's _late!_"

"I'm sure he'll get here soon, milady," a servant responded. "I informed the guards to let us know the moment he arrives at the gate."

"_Ho-ho-ho! Meeerry Christmas!"_

The sound from outside caught everyone's attention. The children scampered to the window before they gasped as one.

"It's Santa!" Little Ichiro exclaimed in delight.

'Well, finally!' Lady Ishi thought, as she strode to the window to take a look for herself, wondering why the guards hadn't informed her of the arrival.

She let out a shrill scream when eight large animals and a bright red sleigh descended out of the sky.

The children cheered. "Let's go outside!" Ichiro declared, racing to the door.

"_YEAH!" _the other guest's children hollered.

"Now, son, I don't think…" Ishi began, but Ichiro ignored her, running out to the garden where the Nara deer were munching on the little bit of greenery that survived the chill weather.

"Look!" A girl named Minori clapped her hands as Kakashi exited the sleigh. "It's _Santa Claus!_"

"And he brought his reindeer!" young Taka added, thrilled at the sight of the gentle creatures.

Ichiro wrinkled his nose. "But where's _Rudolph_?"

"Rudolph?" Kakashi repeated, not allowing his confusion to show.

"We want Rudolph!" Minori demanded.

More children joined in, chanting "Rudolph! Rudolph! Rudolph!"

The jounin mentally searched for that name in the Santa Claus dossier he'd received…

He knew Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen…Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen… But he could not recall the- apparently- most famous reindeer of all. He was going to have a talk with Iruka about this gap in intelligence.

Meanwhile Sakura quieted the children down by explaining, "Rudolph had to go to the doctor today."

"Yeah, his nose shorted out," Naruto chimed in. "But not to worry, they'll have it fixed up before Christmas. Believe it!"

Kakashi was puzzled by such a nonsensical explanation- which, with his extensive experience in excuse making, was saying something. Rudolph's nose shorted out?

Strangely, the children seemed content with that logic and the jounin was not about to question it. Rudolph forgotten, they now begged to pet the other deer. Kakashi considered the request. "Well…all right. Get in line and you can each have a turn."

Sakura and Naruto helped the children form a semi-orderly line. Minori let out a dismayed cry when Taka tried to cut in line. "Hey! I was here first, Poo-poo Head!"

Taka stuck his tongue out at her. "Too bad. Now _I'm_ here."

"Hey buddy, get in the back of the line!" Naruto demanded, grabbing Taka forcefully by the arm and dragging him away.

"Ow! Ow!" The boy whined. "No fair! I want to be first! I want to be first!"

"Now, now," Sakura admonished, waggling her finger at the troublesome boy while discreetly pulling Naruto away before he could hurt the brat. "Remember, no crying or whining. Santa's watching."

Turning her head back to face her sensei she added, "_Right_, Santa?" Her face was silently pleading for him to help.

Kakashi nodded, ready to take matters into his own hands. Stepping closer, he leaned over, bringing his Santa face nearly nose to nose with the offending child.

"Let me make something clear, Taka… I _see _you when you're sleeping," Kakashi breathed ominously, narrowing his eyes. "I _know_ when you're awake. I know if you've been bad…or good." Finally he straightened, smiling brightly, his eyes curving upwards, "So be good, for goodness sake! Got it?"

The hyperventilating boy managed a nod before fleeing to the back of the line and cowering behind his friend. The children exchanged glances and shifted nervously, but no further problems ensued.

Once they all had a chance to pet the reindeer, the party moved back into the house. The parents had games lined up for the kids to play and Kakashi found that, for the moment, he wasn't required to do anything but stand around and watch. They began a round of musical chairs, and the "elves" were invited to join in.

Naruto ran to join the game, declaring that he was definitely going to be the Musical Chair Champion! Sakura participated to make sure Naruto didn't get into arguments with the younger children.

This worked out just fine at first. But as the kids started getting eliminated, they insisted on hovering around Kakashi. "Are you _really_ the real Santa Claus?" Ichiro asked, peering up at his face.

"Of course." Kakashi stated mildly.

"So you _really_ live in the North Pole?" Minori pondered.

"Yup."

A gap-toothed kid scrunched his face up. "Why, Santa?"

"Because it's a secluded area. I can run my workshop and live in privacy there."

"Why, Santa?" a girl in pigtails piped up.

"Because the terrain is difficult for other people to traverse. And with the constantly shifting glaciers, no one would be able to find me."

"Why, Santa?"

The jounin stared at them in confusion. What part of this weren't they getting? "Eh…why, _what_?"

The little ones exchanged puzzled glances. It seemed none of them quite remembered what they were asking.

Minori pursed her lips as she thought of her question. "Why don't you want people to find you, Santa?"

"Because," Kakashi was glad he'd thought ahead to make up a back-story to this Santa character, "I am actually a missing-nin, and I wouldn't want to get captured by the Hunter Ninja."

They stared at him, wide-eyed. "You're a _ninja?!_" Ichiro exclaimed.

"I _used_ to be a ninja," Kakashi corrected. "But I left my village." The jounin was inwardly pleased with himself for devising such a plausible story. After all, how else could one explain Santa's stealth, incredible speed, and ability to fly? Obviously, the man was knowledgeable in jutsu.

"Why, Santa?"

He had a back-story prepared for this too. "You see, kids, I got tired of all the killing and violence, and decided to dedicate my life to making children happy by bringing them toys." There, he even included Iruka's assertion that Santa was inherently a good person who spread joy through the world.

The brats must have missed the point, because instead of looking cheerful at such a heartwarming story, their eyes grew even wider and their faces solemn. Taka was shaking in the background. "You've…killed people?" he squeaked.

Lady Ishi walked in on the conversation, sparing Kakashi from having to answer. "All right children, let Santa get to his chair, and you can sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas!"

She raised her eyebrows when, rather than cheering, the kids gulped and looked at Santa warily.

Kakashi knew this part was coming, and he wasn't looking forward to it. Nevertheless, he forced himself to "Ho-ho" lightly and ambled his bloated body toward the set-up Santa Seat. Naruto and Sakura once again arranged the children in a line.

Minori was first in line. Braver than most, she confidently clambered onto Kakashi's knee. The girl grinned widely for the camera as her mother snapped photos of the two. Finally, she turned her pudgy face toward him. "For Christmas I want a new pink scooter!" She explained seriously, "The Zippy 300 model, okay? I already got the Zippy 250 from _last_ _year_," she sneered with distaste at the thought of getting an outdated scooter. Drawing a breath, she continued, "And I want the new Super Suzume's Special Dollhouse, with all the Super Suzume Special Doll Furniture, and Super Suzume Special Doll Clothes…"

Kakashi's fingers were itching for his volume of Icha Icha, but he forced himself to at least _pretend_ to listen as the girl droned on and on about all the gifts she wanted. After prattling like this for several minutes, she looked him in the eye and concluded with a firm, "You got all that, or should I write it down for you?"

"Mah…I heard you."

She nodded approvingly. "And you're bringing me all that for Christmas, right?"

"Ho-ho, Don't count on it," Santa Claus scoffed.

Minori's mouth gaped open. "_Huh_?"

"I saw you yesterday…breaking that window and lying to your dad about it. Your brother got in trouble because of you." Kakashi was quite pleased that he'd though ahead and ordered his nindogs to spy on all the guests beforehand. This way, he _actually_ knew if the kids had been good or bad. How's _that_ for authenticity? "I'm afraid you're on my naughty list, kiddo."

Minori scrunched up her face in outrage. Naruto hurried forward to stall the explosion. "Ha ha," The blond elf laughed nervously. "Kaka…ahem…Santa Claus was just kidding! _Weren't _you Santa?"

Kakashi frowned stubbornly at his genin. "Actually, no. I also saw her throw a temper tantrum in the market when her mother wouldn't buy her the…"

"ANYWAY!" Sakura loudly interrupted, "What Santa is saying is…apologize to your mom for giving her a hard time, tell your dad the truth about the window, and then I'm sure you'll get those toys you asked for."

The Naruto scooped the protesting child off Santa's lap, while the pink haired elf furiously whispered to her sensei, "Don't _ever_ tell the kids that they're bad!"

Kakashi noticed the death-glares and killing intent emitting from the parents at the party and decided that perhaps Sakura was right on this one.

"Next!" the blond elf called out.

Ichiro stepped up, not quite so confident. He climbed onto Santa's lap and thought over his request a bit more carefully. "Could you…?" Twiddling his thumbs, he worked up the nerve to ask for something. "Could you bring me the new "Barry Trotter" book?"

Now if Kakashi were a lesser ninja, he would have made an error right here. But being the knowledgeable man he was, the jounin was quick to reply, "No can do, kid. If I print the Barry Trotter book in my workshop, it would be copyright infringement. You wouldn't want R.J. Kowling to sue me, would you?"

"Kidding!" Sakura shrilling exclaimed. "He's kidding! Ha ha, Santa you're so funny."

Naruto scooped the boy up and shouted "Next!"

Taka was next in line, but he stood rooted to the spot, perhaps remembering Kakashi's ominous warning that he was always being watched. Naruto attempted to coax the boy forward, but Taka ultimately burst in to tears and ran to hide behind his mother's skirt.

"Next," Sakura called wearily.

* * *

Only one more chapter to go, I think. (I still have trouble knowing when to create a chapter division.) I may actually have the whole thing done before Christmas! ^_^


	5. Not So Silent Night

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Unless Kishimoto decides to give it to me as a Christmas present. I'll keep you posted.

* * *

Chapter Four

Not-So-Silent Night

Kakashi waited until the next day to turn in that particular mission report, despite it technically being due that same evening. He just wasn't eager to review _that_ miserable experience. But at least it was over- and as the civilian kids took him for the genuine Santa, he could rightly claim the mission a success.

Moments ago, the jounin had finally dismissed his team after their long training session. Naruto and Sakura had called him a "grinch" for not giving them the day off. Really, he saw no reason to slack in their regiment just because it was Christmas Eve.

Kakashi made sure he reminded them to meet him at the bridge at nine the next morning. Ignoring their groans of protest, he strolled to the Mission Room, pondering what sort of character this "grinch" might be and fervently hoping no one ever asked for one at their holiday party.

Just as he entered the Mission Room, the jounin was forced to sidestep to avoid being barreled down by an angry woman. He raised an eyebrow as he noticed said angry woman was Lady Ishi. She didn't even spare him a second glance, as she furiously stalked away.

Huh. Kakashi shrugged and continued inside to submit his report.

Iruka was at the coffee machine, knocking back a mug of the dark liquid. Upon seeing Kakashi, he slammed the cup down. "_You!"_ he growled, stalking up to the jounin.

Iruka- angry and on a caffeine high. Kakashi instinctively knew he had to diffuse the situation quickly. "Ah, I apologize for the lateness of my report, sensei. I've got it right here." He smoothed out the only slightly wrinkled and thankfully stain-free pages.

"You ruined everything!" Iruka roared, not even bothering to look at the report. "Lady Ishi was just here! All the nobles are furious! They threatened to _sue _us for traumatizing their children!" His ranting became increasingly louder, drawing the fearful attention of the other ninja in Mission Room. A few cast pitying looks toward the Copy Ninja. "How in the world- in just one afternoon- did you manage to create a generation of Santaphobes? What the hell were you _thinking?_"

"But," Kakashi seized a moment now that Iruka had paused to catch his breath. "I just did what I assumed the subject would have done, based on the information I received."

"You have the children thinking that Santa is a stalking, murdering ex-ninja! How in the world does that match up with the dossier I gave you?"

"Actually, that stalking part is tru-"

"I don't want to hear it!" Iruka interrupted, snatching Kakashi's report and forcefully stamping the word "FAIL" across the top in bright red ink.

"Maah…Sensei, I technically didn't _fail_ the mission," Kakashi protested cautiously. Yelling he could take, but that bright red stamp… "The objective was to make the children believe I was really Santa. You never said that they had to like me."

A vein bulged in Iruka's forehead, but before he could launch into another tirade, Kotetsu appeared and seized the chunin from behind, one hand planted firmly over his coworker's mouth.

"Break time, Iruka!" Kotetsu chirped as he forcibly led his colleague away.

A smiling Izumo quickly assumed the vacated spot. "I'm sorry, but Iruka's on break at the moment," he professionally chimed, as though the jounin _didn't _just see him being kidnapped. "Can I help you with that report, Kakashi?"

"Uh…sure…" the jounin responded uncertainly as he watched Kotetsu physically lob the sensei into the break room and slam the door shut. The bandaged chunin proceeded to perform handseals, causing the door to glow green with a reinforced chakra barrier.

"He'll be all right," Izumo assured. "Iruka's just feeling a little…"

"Homicidally enraged?" Kakashi helpfully supplied.

"Disappointed," Izumo corrected. "We convinced Lady Ishi to drop her lawsuit, but ended up waiving the mission fee. So no one's getting paid for that particular assignment."

"And what concern is it of Iruka's whether or not I get paid?" The jounin queried skeptically. "It's not like I've never taken a pro bono mission before." He paused. "Oh…he must be worried about Naruto's salary, right?"

"It's a long story, Kakashi. Don't worry about it," Izumo shrugged. "What's done is done."

The desk ninja shuffled together the pages of the Santa mission report, preparing them for processing. He paused to stare thoughtfully at the objective line. After quickly looking around, Izumo blotted out the "FAIL" stamp and scribbled in the word "Pass" followed by his own initials.

"Technically, you _did_ fulfill the mission objective." Izumo rationalized with a wink. "Thanks for your hard work. And Merry Christmas, Kakashi."

* * *

That evening, Kakashi stopped by the bank and withdrew enough cash to give Sakura and Naruto their normal cut of a C-ranked mission salary. After all, if Iruka was _that_ concerned over the kid's salary, then perhaps the genin were in a financial strait of which Kakashi wasn't aware.

That, and it was easier than explaining why they hadn't gotten paid in the first place.

After delivering the money, Kakashi then went through his normal nightly routine of training and showered before settling in for bed. Staring up at the ceiling, the jounin mentally reviewed his mission, picking over what had gone wrong and considering how to avoid similar mistakes in the future.

Not that he was _ever_ going to play Santa again. Absolutely not.

* * *

Kakashi wasn't sure at what point he'd fallen asleep, but he in the middle of night he silently awoke, certain of one thing: _'Someone is in my house.'_

How this person got in without setting off a trap, the jounin didn't know. Regardless, Kakashi determined it was not going to be nearly as smooth for them to get _out._

Shrouded in darkness, the jounin stalked his prey. The figure in his living room didn't even have a moment to gasp before the kunai was drawn to its throat. Kakashi growled as he pressed the blade dangerously close to the rotund person's jugular. Was this…an Akimichi?

"Ho-ho-ho," the plump invader chuckled. "Now you know why I don't visit _ninja_ homes on Christmas Eve!"

The figure in his grip vanished and reappeared before him, a moment later. The intruder flicked the light switch on and smiled. "Good evening, Kakashi."

The jounin glared at the Santa impersonator before him. "What do you think you're doing in my house? Who are you?"

With a twinkle in his eye, the intruder laid his finger on the side of his nose. With a nod, he vanished away.

_On the roof_, Kakashi's senses screamed. Performing the signs for a transportation jutsu, he followed.

The jounin blinked. There was the Santa impersonator, standing by a large red sleigh and nine live reindeer. This man must be certifiably insane.

"Now, now Kakashi…I'm not insane." Santa chided reprovingly.

The jounin growled again, taking a step toward the man. The lead reindeer snorted right back at him, rearing up its hooves threateningly. It nose glared light right into Kakashi's eye.

"Whoa there, Rudolph!" Santa commanded, placing a soothing hand on the creature's flank. "I'm sorry about that, Kakashi, but my reindeer summons can be a bit overprotective. Especially old Rudolph here!"

Rudolph_?_

"_His nose shorted out."_ Naruto had said.

Kakashi scanned the scene with his Sharingan, but found no trace of illusion. It…couldn't be. Could it?

"It sure can, Kakashi," the man exclaimed jovially. With a short bow he introduced himself, "Kris Kringle. More commonly known as Santa Claus."

Kakashi stared dubiously at the overweight stranger. It was clear that _he_, at least, believed he was the real Santa. "What exactly are you doing in my house?" the jounin demanded, wanting answers.

"Why, I'm bringing you a present, of course!" Santa chuckled, talking as he riffled through his sack. "Now, I don't normally visit ninja villages…far too risky…but after all that hard work you put in to impersonate me, why I couldn't resist! I almost cried, it was _that _funny. Ho-ho-ho I haven't laughed so hard in _ages_!"

Finally, Santa withdrew a scroll. Kakashi tensed as the old man performed some hand seals. From the scroll, Kris summoned a stocking with something stuck in its toe. "For you, Kakashi."

The jounin took the proffered item cautiously, scanning it for jutsu, traps, and explosives.

Santa gave him an encouraging nod, and finally he reached in the stocking. Closing his fingers around the small, round object inside, he pulled out the gift.

"…A yo-yo?"

Santa nodded sagely. "Yes, Kakashi, a yo-yo."

The shinobi stared at the round plastic object in his palm. "Why…?"

"Because," the old man smiled. "I know you've wanted one ever since you were five…when you saw those other kids doing cool tricks with theirs. But you never told a soul about your wish because, even though you were just a child, you were still a ninja and ninja don't play with toys."

Kakashi's eye widened. How could he have known that? Could this old man _really _be…?"

"Santa Claus?" he finished patiently. "Yes. Yes, I am." He chuckled, his belly jiggling as he did so. "You're not exactly the epitome of a good boy, but you mean well. And I thought you deserved some kind of reward for the fine show you put on at Lady Ishi's party. Really… Iruka shouldn't have been so hard on you. You tried your best!"

Waving a hand toward Kakashi, he urged, "Now go ahead- give that yo-yo a spin."

Feeling incredibly foolish, Kakashi reluctantly slipped the plastic ring over his finger. 'A perfect fit,' he noted. With a flick of a wrist, the toy spun down the string…flashing brilliant colors along the way.

The jounin well remembered how amazing those lights had seemed to his five-year-old self and couldn't help but smile grudgingly. However, when the yo-yo reached the bottom of the line, it did not come back up.

"Huh. You need a little practice," Santa noted with amusement, watching the toy twirl lazily at the end of the string. A few more hand seals and a thin manual appeared in his hand. "Here you go, an instruction guide. You'll learn all the tricks with this."

The jounin accepted the manual, trying not to look eager about it. "Ah…thanks," he stated lazily as he slipped the pamphlet into an inside pocket- right beside his Icha Icha.

"So…" Kakashi stuck his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants wondering if he should try to apprehend the trespasser. He fingered the yo-yo in his pocket. Somehow, he felt strangely unwilling to turn the man in. "You're supposed to be going around the world delivering presents," he said finally. "Aren't you in a hurry?"

"Nah," Santa shrugged. "Come on, how many kids out there do you think are _actually _good all year long? I don't have all that many visits to make. And besides, I use clones to help me out."

"So you _are_ an ex-ninja," the jounin stated, feeling vindicated.

"Indeed I am," Kris acknowleged. "The last surviving member of the Kringle Clan. My family's bloodline limit grants me powerful psychic abilities. We were once feared for our psychic talents. But as you guessed, I grew tired of the violence and ninja lifestyle. I didn't want to be_feared_. So I left my village and joined my mother's kinfolk. She was an elf, you see…but that's a whole other story."

"And you actually live in the North Pole?" Kakashi was beginning to wonder if perhaps he'd lost his tenuous hold on sanity. He was, after all, up on a housetop chit chatting with an imaginary being.

"Of course not! Ho, ho- _the North Pole,_" he snorted with amusement. "That's just the story to keep those darn Hunter Ninja off my trail!"

Santa had a good laugh over that, before suddenly growing serious. "Actually, Kakashi, I didn't _only _come to give you a present. I need your help."

He knew there had to be a catch. Kakashi waited for the man to continue.

"You see, I had a few special stops planned this year in Konoha. I just finished dropping something off at Iruka's home- no big deal, since he's still working at the Mission Desk. But my next stop is the Konoha orphanage." Kris sighed. "I can get past traps, but as you can tell I'm not the best at hiding my presence from guards. I need someone of your skill. Would you help me deliver the gifts to the orphans?"

"And why would you suddenly want to do that?"

Santa proceeded to divulge the story of the overcharged mission, and how the excess money was supposed to fund a Christmas surprise for the children. A twinkle appeared in Santa's eye as he finished. "_I_, for one, believe that your hilarious performance was deserving of the recompense offered."

"So wattaya say, Kakashi?" The old man hopped into his sleigh and stretched his hand out to the jounin. "I can't do it without you."

* * *

Iruka groaned when the rays of sunrise finally filtered through his curtains and glared into his bleary eyes. Rolling over, he whined and buried his head in his pillow. After all, he'd only gone to bed three hours ago.

He'd had the most miserable day at work yesterday…er…today. Now it was Christmas morning, the Mission Room was closed, and he was _not _getting out of bed this early. Not for anything.

His alarm clock suddenly blared in his ears and the chunin stretched out an arm from beneath the covers to blindly search for the offending object. Within moments the room was in silence again.

Except for the flock of birds who apparently decided that _right in front of his window_ was the ideal spot to sing. He pressed the pillow more tightly over his head, vainly hoping to either block them out or smother himself and finally get some rest.

Soon, the din of children's laughter and shouting announced that the youth of Konoha had already taken outdoors to play with their brand new toys. Which only reminded Iruka of the orphans who, yet again, weren't going to receive any.

With a defeated sigh, he got up and groggily weaved his way toward his kitchen. Sleep was beyond his reach at the moment.

He had started to prepare a pot of tea (no more coffee. Hopefully he'll stop twitching by New Year) when something caught his eye. There, lying on the kitchen table, was a dark red stocking.

Iruka didn't decorate his house for Christmas. Sure, he had some handmade cards lining his counter and the occasional Christmas art project lay around. He even had some ornaments he'd received as gifts from his students on the last day of school. But he didn't have a tree on which to hang them. Iruka was certain he would have remembered buying or accepting a stocking.

Carefully picking up the suspicious object, the chunin realized there was something inside. He reached in and closed his fingers around a small, round object, slowly pulling out…

A lump of coal.

A note fluttered out, landing on the wooden tabletop.

_Dear Iruka,_

_I know that, in your heart, you really are a good boy._

_But until you control that temper of yours, you'll _stay_ on my naughty list._

_Try to relax, and don't yell at people so much._

_Love,_

_Santa Claus_

The chunin burst out laughing. That Kotetsu- he'd do just about anything to emphasize a point.

Shaking his head, Iruka poured himself a cup of tea and thought about his plans for the day. Originally, he was going to show up at the orphanage, wearing that silly Santa hat Anko had bought him and bearing gifts for all the kids. The orphanage director was told ahead of time to expect him, and in his rage Iruka never got a chance to explain otherwise.

He supposed he should still go over and spend time with the children. After all, Christmas wasn't just about _things._ They could work on some Christmas art projects. He'll teach them how to make paper snowflakes. They'd enjoy that.

Iruka sighed as he took a sip of his tea. He really _had_ overreacted last night. It's not as though Kakashi purposely-

An obnoxious bang on the door interrupted his thoughts. Iruka opened it just in time to see Izumo slap the back of Kotetsu's head for knocking so rudely. The bandaged chunin didn't let that bother him. Instead he grinned widely, holding up large shopping bags as he proclaimed, "Merry Christmas!"

"What's this about?" Iruka queried.

His coworkers gave him sympathetic smiles. "We know how disappointed you were about the disastrous Santa mission and not having the money for the orphans" Izumo began, "So we…"

"You know, I _did _warn you both that it wasn't a good idea," Kotetsu interrupted.

"_So_," his friend pressed on, "the Mission Desk workers got together and pitched in a little cash…"

"Still wasn't enough to buy _all_ those brats toys," Kotetsu cut in, "Since Tsunade shafted us by not paying overtime. _Just_ because Konoha suffered some structural damage during the chunin exams doesn't mean…"

"_But_," Izumo continued, drowning out his friends complaints, "We picked up some hot chocolate, toffee covered popcorn, candy canes, and a few other snacks. There's only a few more things to pick up…"

"Which _you're _paying for," Kotetsu stated sternly, "Since we already spent everyone else's money…"

"And Genma loaned us his Christmas music collection," Izumo added. "So I think we can pull off a decent Christmas party at the orphanage, don't you?"

Iruka stared, stunned by their thoughtfulness. "Wow. This is…Thank you…I don't know what to say…"

"Don't mention it," Kotetsu slapped him on the back. "This way, I still get my Christmas party, ne?"

The sensei chuckled, before staring suspiciously at the packages they'd brought. "You're not smuggling saké in there, are you?"

The bandaged ninja grinned nervously. "Uh…no?"

"_Kotetsu…_"

"Lady Hokage donated it," Izumo admitted sheepishly, before hastily adding. "But we weren't going to give any to the kids!"

"Adults need to party too," Kotetsu affirmed sagaciously.

* * *

The three chunin, wearing their silly red Santa hats, picked up some additional supplies. They were making their way to the orphanage when an unusual sight gave all of them pause.

There was the Copy Ninja, strolling down the path, flicking a yo-yo from his hand.

"Hey, Kakashi," Iruka called politely, feeling guilty about his rage yesterday. "Merry Christmas!"

The jounin paused and looked up from the thin pamphlet he'd been reading.

"What are you _doing_?" Kotetsu asked bluntly, wrinkling his nose.

Kakashi tilted his chin toward the direction he'd been walking. "Just on my way to meet with the genin."

"Oh, are you celebrating Christmas with Naruto and Sakura?" Iruka inquired, pleased by the display of unity.

"If by 'celebrating Christmas' you mean 'training,' then yes," the jounin replied, getting ready to move on.

"But why are you carrying a yo-yo?" Kotetsu burst out.

Kakashi shrugged. "Why not?"

The chunin opened his mouth to give a response, but found that he had none, and shrugged instead.

Izumo stepped forward his eyes lighting up in nostalgia, "Hey, I had something similar when I was a kid. Remember all those tricks we used to do?" He looked to his two chunin companions.

"Yeah... I wonder if we still remember how," Iruka laughed.

Kotetsu brightened, "Hey, Kakashi, could I see that for a minute? I want to try something."

Reluctantly, the man relinquished his yo-yo. It turned out that, after a few practice runs, all three chunin were still able to perform their flashy moves.

Kotetsu impulsively decided that it was his job to mentor the jounin in the art of yo-yoing. Kakashi took to the skill as quickly as his genius mind picked up any other talent. Duly impressed, they demonstrated progressively more difficult tricks, cheering on their jounin comrade when he finally executed them. For the next twenty five minutes, the four Leaf shinobi talked, joked, and laughed over the toy.

"Hey, we better get going," Iruka remarked suddenly. "We've got a party to throw, remember? Give Kakashi his yo-yo back, Kotetsu."

The chunin frowned, giving the object one last spin. He was about to hand it over, when he noticed the small logo on the edge. "SW?" Kotetsu read aloud. "My old yo-yo was a Sky-Flyer- you know with the SF imprinted on the side. I've never heard of SW. What's it stand for?"

"Probably 'Santa's Workshop,'" Kakashi shrugged. "That's where it came from."

The strange looks he received only confirmed the jounin's decision not to mention last night's encounter. He doubted anyone would believe him, and he really didn't need to have the administration thinking he'd finally cracked.

"_Right,_" Kotetsu returned the toy to its rightful owner and turned back to his packages. "Well, guess we'll see you around."

* * *

"YOU'RE LATE!" Sakura and Naruto yelled as Kakashi approached the bridge.

"Sorry," the Copy Ninja replied apologetically. "The Mission Desk workers and I were just playing with the yo-yo Santa brought me last night and-"

"LIAR!"

* * *

The chunin finally arrived at the orphanage. The moment they got through the gates, the director came out to greet them.

Iruka opened his mouth to explain that he'd been unable to bring the toys, but the woman spoke up first. "Iruka, you're amazing! You said you were going to bring them gifts…but to sneak them in, in the middle of the night- I never expected _that_!" She chuckled. "You should have _seen_ those children's faces when they woke up this morning. You've made them all so happy."

"But…but…" the chunin floundered, glancing at his companions, who shrugged. "I didn't do it."

"_Sure_ you didn't," the director winked. "It was Santa Claus, right?"

"No, I'm serious…"

But she was no longer listening, exclaiming instead over the bags of treats they'd brought. "You guys are just so thoughtful. This will definitely be the best Christmas ever."

The ninja followed her in, and could scarcely believe their eyes at the sight of all the children, playing with their new toys. "But who…?"

Kotetsu frowned and snatched up an orphan by the ankle, taking a close look at the roller skate on his foot.

"Kotetsu!" Iruka yelled "Put that boy down!"

"Aha!" the bandaged chunin exclaimed triumphantly swinging the child closer to his companions. "Look at the brand on these skates: SW."

Momentarily forgetting his outrage, Iruka took a glance. "Hey…you're right."

"An elite jounin just might be able to afford all these toys," Izumo pointed out significantly. "Especially one who lives alone and has no family to take of."

The sensei finally freed the boy from Kotetsu's grasp and sent him on his way. Looking around at all the happy children, Iruka grinned. "Well what do you know? Kakashi's _not_ such a bad Santa after all."

~~End~~

Merry Christmas to all!


End file.
